Fat

Dude was 5’4″ and weighed AT LEAST 450lbs.
Didn’t care enough about his health or appearance to skip a meal or two
BUT
Cared so much about his appearance that he was wearing designer clothes and sagging his pants like a G.
Carrying a toddler in one arm.
Looping his finger through his belt loop with the other hand, so that his stylishly sagging designer pants wouldn’t end up around his ankles.
Sat on the cement fence because he knew he’d never be able to get up from a lounge chair, and it took him at least ten minutes to catch his break from the walk from his room to the pool.

“Nice underwear,” I said in an overtly flirtatious voice. “Calvin Klein is soooo darling, and red is my favorite color.”

I winked and moved on.

I’m not fat shaming.
Or maybe I am a little bit.
But more importantly, get some priorities and get motivated.
There is not one acceptable excuse I can think of to weigh 450lbs, unless someone stitched your asshole together in the 90s and you haven’t had it fixed.
There is no good reason to sag your pants, unless you’re trying to advertise your back door.
And if you’re the kind of person that spends $2,000 on a designer purse or $300 on a pair of designer jeans, you may be a perfectly great person, but we probably aren’t going to have much in common.

Rant over.
Apology, in advance, for those who were triggered by this.

Conversations Married People Have

Her- “My bathing suits don’t look good on me anymore.”

Him- “Yes. It’s their fault. Those ass-holes.”

Her- “Don’t be a jerk!”

Him- “I think you look beautiful. I like all your new curves.”

Her- “Not helping.”

Him- “All I’m saying is that the bathing suits look the same as they did last year. If you don’t like how you look in them, then fix it.”

Her- “How?”

Him- “You know how. Exercise more. Eat less.”

Her- “I do.”

Him- “More.”

Her- “I do.”

Him- “Then I guess you’re doing all you can. The situation is hopeless.”

Her- “See, just be on my side. That’s all I want.”

Him- “Noted. The fucking bathing suit is an oppressive devil and the way you fight an oppressive devil is with donuts and ice cream.”

Her- “Too far.”

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