Conversations Married People Have

Her- “My bathing suits don’t look good on me anymore.”

Him- “Yes. It’s their fault. Those ass-holes.”

Her- “Don’t be a jerk!”

Him- “I think you look beautiful. I like all your new curves.”

Her- “Not helping.”

Him- “All I’m saying is that the bathing suits look the same as they did last year. If you don’t like how you look in them, then fix it.”

Her- “How?”

Him- “You know how. Exercise more. Eat less.”

Her- “I do.”

Him- “More.”

Her- “I do.”

Him- “Then I guess you’re doing all you can. The situation is hopeless.”

Her- “See, just be on my side. That’s all I want.”

Him- “Noted. The fucking bathing suit is an oppressive devil and the way you fight an oppressive devil is with donuts and ice cream.”

Her- “Too far.”

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