Penis or Vagina? It’s so confusing.

I just heard a statistic that 40% of people under the age of 25 years old don’t identify as either straight or gay, and my mind is blown.

I used to believe that sexual attraction wasn’t a choice; that you were born one way and that’s how it was. I believed that because I could remember being attracted to girls as early as kindergarten. I didn’t choose that, it just was. I had my first kiss in second grade, but it was forced upon me by the friend of the girl I really wanted to kiss. Yes, I’m a victim of sexual assault by a second grader that was bigger than me.

I later “humped” the furry hooded coat of the girl I really liked, during recess (she was not wearing the coat when I humped it)- I called this “tickling” but, in hindsight, this is probably something Harvey Weinstein was doing in second grade. I don’t recall if I asked her permission before humping her furry hooded coat or not. However, I promise you, if you saw this coat, you would’ve humped it too.

We’re getting off topic.

In my late twenties, I dated a girl who had been a lesbian her entire life until we met. Since that time, she’s been straight and is now married to a man. She went thirty years lesbo and now the last 14 straight. She experienced sexual trauma at a young age, and it subconsciously scared her off men. From that experience I learned that trauma can affect and change sexuality.

I also learned that I was able to turn a woman and I manage to work this into 67 percent of the conversations I’ve had since then.

Again, off topic. (But awesome)

A few years ago, I learned about imprinting. This happens mostly with boys and it explains why so many molested boys turn out to be molesters later in life. Something terrible and horrific and tragic happens to them; however, because they don’t know what is going on, it also feels good. This is what is so confusing to them. They are being assaulted and forced into doing something horrific and this damages them for life. At the same time, they forever, subconsciously, associate that with pleasure. Statistically, a VERY high percentage of molested boys become molesters. This doesn’t happen to girls. From this, I learned that there is a LOT that still needs to be learned about sexuality.

Now, today, I’m hearing that 40% of kids under twenty five identify as neither gay nor straight. I guess this means bisexual? Or asexual? I’m honestly not sure. Now, I’m wondering if I had it wrong from jump. Maybe, sexuality is actually a choice. Or maybe its affected by genetics and trauma and choice. Or maybe our sexuality can be impacted by the societal standards of our time. Maybe social norms help form our sexuality. In today’s world, all kinds of things are “acceptable” and “normal” that weren’t when I was a kid. Maybe this actually affects children’s sexuality. Or maybe my generation was repressing things regarding their sexuality without even knowing it.

I’d bet that less than 3% of my generation is unable to identify as gay or straight as compared to the 40% now. That can’t just be due to chance. There’s no way that it increased 37%. Either someone isn’t being honest or societal norms impact sexuality far more than previously believed. There has to be something about the way people are growing up now, in an environment that is more accepting and open to these ideas, that makes them more likely to identify as bisexual or something else altogether.

Now, is it the environment that made them that way? I don’t know. How could I know. I do know; however, that this current generation isn’t the first to identify this way. In Ancient Greece everyone was having sex with everyone else, regardless of gender. That was the norm. Maybe that was the societal norm and maybe that affected the sexuality of the individuals. Maybe that is what we are experiencing now.

I could never see myself being attracted to anyone other than a woman, but maybe, if I were fifteen and growing up in this new era, maybe I’d have turned out differently. Same genetics, same lack of sexual trauma, different setting, different outcome.

Who knows? I certainly don’t. I’m not going to be one of those tough guys that says “no way, not me, bro.”
I’m not homophobic, so that thought doesn’t scare me. I just can’t imagine being attracted to guys. But who knows what affects our sexuality; it gets more complex as I get older and learn things, rather than becoming more simplified.

Basically, we should never pretend to have all the answers.
Also, why does it matter? Why can’t we just accept people for what they are? And why do we have to put labels on our sexuality?
For that matter, why do we have to discuss it so often? Why is our society so obsessed with sexuality and labels? Why am I discussing it right now?
Sexuality is just one more way to play identity politics, and it’s probably no good for us to inject it into every conversation just like it’s not good to inject “race” into every conversation.

That said, understanding these things may help us figure out a way to stop pedophilia from occurring.

So let’s leave it to the scientists and let’s stop judging one another in the meantime.

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