I don’t like that when I receive a Facebook event invitations, Facebook only offers three possible responses:
3- Can’t Go.
This doesn’t cover all the possible true responses that people have in these situations. I would like to suggest to Facebook, a few more options:
1- I can go, but I’m not going because I don’t like you.
2- I can go, but I’m not going to because the last time I came to one of your stupid things I got cornered, for an hour, by someone trying to get me into Amway.
3- Maybe. Is there free boos?
4- Dude, your art/band/poetry sucks, and so I won’t be going to your thing. I’d rather stay home and listen to my wife keep a running tally of how many Friday night beers I’ve consumed by myself, on the couch, while watching House of Cards.
5- I’m going, because you’re my friend, but if you repeated your previous mistake of inviting my ex, Crazy Tina, then I’m going to have to break up with you for good.
6- I haven’t seen you since high school and we live seven states away from one another. Why the fuck are you inviting me to something in Alabama when I’m in California? Are you just trying to show off to everyone that you are having a thing? Yes, we all remember how popular you were in high school. So glad you’re still the shit. Now fuck off.
7- I wouldn’t come to your thing even if it made my wife’s tits grow into a couple Scarlett Johanssons and gave my children the athletic skills of LeBron James. You are a horrible person and please leave me alone forever.
8- I’ll come… But only if your sister is going.
9- Yeah, I’ll be there. My wife loves it when I go to parties hosted by one of my ex-girlfriends.
10- I’ll go, but only if you promise to stop sending me FarmVille invites.